tirsdag den 31. januar 2012

Oh God Why Internet

I just... oh God. I just... oh sweet Jesus baby-fucking Christ.
Holy fuck. Just... oh God, Internet. I hate you now, man. My eyes... my eyes will never be clean again.
ETERNAL BRIMSTONE-VOMITING LASER-LAUNCHING EVIL ANTI-JESUS IMPALED ON A POLE-MOUNTED DEMONIC CHAINSAW.
And I thought I'd seen bad things.
I'm not even gonna talk about this. I don't think my eyes, my soul or my karmic record will ever be clean again. To be more precise, I don't think they'll get any less than filth-encrusted and horribly ethically tainted.
I'm just gonna sit in a corner and try to forget about what happened. Maybe it'll work, and I won't have to remember it. Jesus, sweet Nega-Jesus.

onsdag den 25. januar 2012

Inverted Black-Hole Spitting Anti-Jesus

In the name of aforementioned Cthulhoid deity, I've procrastinated for a long time.
I must regrettably say that I have nothing really constructive to write about, so brace for some random keyboard-mashing.
Another ep3: A doll's eye? O R'lyeh? Iä R'lyeh. Well, the series is building up, and it now seems quite unlikely that it will move into the Angel Beats! territory that I feared. For one, the dolls seem to be playing a pretty large role. For two, there seems to be a connection between the two Misakis, and the cousin explanation probably isn't true, as there are more than two decades between them, and both are in their teens. For Master Spark, no matter how cliché the "Keiichi Kouichi breathing heavily" scenes are, there's still plenty of awesome to make up for it. The series is moving in a direction I like, but that just means I'll blow a fuse even harder if it somehow manages to cock it up later in.
PapaKiki ep3: I had a quite hard time making my way through ep2. Like, Iwakasa's Moon Curse hard. No, even more than that. Lunatic Knock Out In Three Steps hard. It was so painful that I needed an entire full-length blog entry to vent. It was even worse than how the Claymore anime ended. Wait, no, it was more like the Tsukihime anime. As in, we don't even talk about it. On that note, wouldn't it be nice if they made a Tsukihime anime? They had some plans, but they got cancelled. They never made one. Capisce? They never made one.
Anyway, PapaKiki ep3. They somehow managed to get the thing standing again, impossible as it seemed. It added a drama element to the series that I'm not sure will work, but we'll have to wait and see. Anyhow, I don't really watch it as much as look through it - I leave the actual watching to a certain legendary loli-god with a pencil mustache.

onsdag den 18. januar 2012

What Is This And Why Did It Happen

IN THE NAME OF THE ONE TRUE MASTER SPARK, WHAT WAS THIS SHIT.
Papa no Iukoto wo Kikinasai just raped itself with a pole-mounted metaphorical chainsaw from the depths of Hell.
Not only was that a totally uncalled for deus ex machina - the plot could perfectly well keep running convincingly if Yuuri and Shingo had taken their honeymoon, then come home, and then Yuuta could concievably have the girls over once in a while - but also, something as cliché as a plane crash reeks of plot device. To add insult to injury, the series places itself in a dilemma where it can either choose to become a drama series and basically make itself into Usagi Drop x3, or rape the corpse of psychological theory and shit down its throat. Kids like that aren't gonna be normal after an astrofucking plane crash that killed both their parents, and either the series has to become a drama to fit or waste all the basic correctness in child-psychological theory that made the first episode watchable. To add insult to insult to injury and then piss in the wound, the final quarter of the episode also shows an unbelievably butter-fingered handling of the very most basic law theory in existence. You don't sympathy yourself into parental rights, nor do you debate, shout or discuss your way into it. Parental rights are parental rights, and they go to rather specific people. One does not just decide, like the faceless relatives do, "The loli goes to me, the jailbait goes to that guy over there and the toddler goes to the man in the crew cut and pencil mustache over there". There's a reason lawsuits about that kind of thing drag on, fuckers. If somehow it has already been decided, then Yuuta's sympathy bomb isn't going to help. He'd have to file a lawsuit of astronomic proportions and hire a rather good lawyer, since his case is incredibly flimsy. He's a college student and hasn't known the girls for terribly long - the only thing he's got going for himself is that he was taking care of them at the time, an argument that would instantly be ignored as a pathetic attempt at pathos.
I AM ANGRY.

lørdag den 14. januar 2012

I Should Be Sleeping

It's half past midnight, and I'm cooped up in a small, sweaty room with a pencil-moustached toddlercon wearing a plushie-sized Marisa hat. I'm sugar-crashing too, and I haven't gotten anything to eat but chips and Monster. So, instead of sleeping, of course I'll be writing about the thing I've been doing the most, third to watching Touhou PVs and playing eroge - Mouretsu Pirates.

Mouretsu Pirates: Pirates has the same kind of starting point as Symphogear: eye-wateringly horrible, coming off as Star Trek with schoolgirls. However, contrary to Nymphogear, which plummets into the unwatchable a couple of times each episode, Pirates manages to be perfect.
How does it do that, you might ask? By taking a 180 from what could have risked being a fuck-science-fuck-logic-we're-G-Gundam trainwreck of a plot (like Nymphogear happens to be moving towards) and instead focuses on the storytelling, the characters and the details of the universe, actually showing surprising knowledge of many things, such as zero gravity and practical as well as theoretic ballistics - yes, you can avoid a lot of recoil from a rifle if you fire it from the waist, Bonnie of Bonnie and Clyde fame fired a Browning Automatic from the waist. However, the weapons design is marred by a lens at the muzzle, ruining an otherwise reasonable explanation of the rifles being plasma weapons that generate the blowback by the force of the reaction and not as much the projectile itself... wait, I think I might be rambling. FYI, weapons and psychology are my logical sinkholes - all coherent discussion vanishes at the chance to discuss anti-material rifles or post-Jungian archetypal psychotherapy.
Back on track - Pirates also shows quite a bit of focus in avoiding clichés - no male main character, no missing father (he's already dead, he's already dead), no giant fucking mecha, no mecha for female-fronted shows that would break the illusion of mecha being manly powered armors, no cheaply constructed cardboard plots, and most importantly, it strikes a leisurely pace and introduces us to a universe with a past, yes, but also full of individual, interesting characters that aren't just a plot device. Mouretsu Pirates gives us a space opera with a lovingly constructed setting, interesting characters, a smooth presentation, great pacing, solid visuals and a huge load of fanservice for us sci-fi/weapons geeks out there.
90/100. Go for it, goddammit. Why the Master Sparking fuck would you refuse?

fredag den 13. januar 2012

What The Fuck Symphogear

I honestly don't even.

Senki Zessho Symphogear: How this works, I don't even. The concept is lamentably terrible, the character designs are wonky, the music is misplaced and obtrusive, the plot makes no sense whatsoever and no explanations whatsoever are given.
YET IT IS STILL GOOD.
Why, I honestly do not know. Maybe it's the fact that it's shaping up to be a bit darker than your average mecha powered-armor series, the fact that Tsubasa is actually a pretty novel character, or that Hibiki is doom'd by canon. Maybe it's that the series seems to be aware of its clichés, or maybe it's just that I like pulp flicks once in a while. Hey, here's the man who watched Blood-C and has begun on Ga-Rei: Zero and Shikabane Hime. Anyfuck, I cannot explain why I like Symphogear. It should be shit, but it's not.
Actually, it's still shit, but somehow, it manages to still be good. I think that I might be watching this for the same reason B-movies even have a market share, but there's a niggling feeling somewhere in me that tells me that I may actually honestly like it. I don't like that feeling.
75/100 - when it's at its best. Often - twice or thrice per episode - Symphogear takes a headfirst dive into so bad territory it's not even funny anymore. At its worst, my subconscious wakes up and groggily asks my mind what the royal Master Sparking astrofuck it's doing watching G Gundam AMVs with bad J-pop backing, and my mind doesn't have a believable answer. At those times, I wonder why I'm even watching something that makes my soul hurt - those times are the 15/100 times.


torsdag den 12. januar 2012

What Am I Doing

Seems like I've actually started to take updating this thing seriously. Well, let's enjoy it while it lasts.

Kill Me Baby: We're lucky to have a series this season that can actually do slice-of-life without also aiming to HNNNNNNNGG all the viewers (and usually failing). Kill Me Baby actually happens to be novel, managing to do high-school-girl comedy without the tooth-eroding one-dimensional moe-moe that's been the plague of the genre for as long as it's existed. It's not consistently funny, but who cares - it's funny in places, and if nothing else, it's a diversion from the fact that, for some arcane reason best known to Nyarlathotep and his interdimensional spawn, I somehow feel that Sonya and Yasuna are similar to Miyako and Yuno. No, you shouldn't be asking me why, because I don't know. However, Kill Me Baby definitely knows how to overstay its welcome. Each episode is the normal 24 minutes, but with a sketch-based show like this, such a format drives all but the most hardened viewer over the edge. But while it would have been better as a 8-minute show, then we at least get more of the series to watch with 24-minute episodes.
60/100 - give it a 85/100 if you were desperately looking for a slice-of life joshikousei comedy without endangering your teeth and heart. Who knows, I myself might have rated it higher if I'd watched it in bite-size portions.

I Am A Cabbage

As the huge weeaboo fuck I am, I accidentally wrote "Mouretsu Kaizoku" in my last entry instead of the official "Mouretsu Pirates", thus retranslating a loanword and being a huge wanker.
Find it in your heart to forgive me.

To make this entry worthwhile, a review.
Another: Another tries too hard to be scary, has a bland main character and an infuriatingly slow pace. Also, Mei is clichéd beyond all logical comprehension.
There, I said everything bad there is to say about Another. Everything else is perfect - the visuals are stunning, the design of Yomiyama town is chilling, the atmosphere (though at times forced) is eerie, the music is haunting and the plot shows promise.
Yes, I said that. I'm at least allowed to hope that instead of continuing on with a bland, clichéd plot (Kouichi begins cooperating with Mei to let her pass on, develops a slight romance with her, finds a bigger evil than her and basically becomes the Otonashi to her Kanade, turning the series into Angel Beats!, complete with high school), the studio will take advantage of the blank slate to expand upon the plot in an engaging and novel way. All in all, Another is in my opinion the most promising series of the season aside Mouretsu Pirates, but maybe it's just because I have a huge hard-on for the visuals.
90/100.

Coming next (at some unspecified point in the near, far or distant future, as well as in the past, if I get my Hououin Kyouma laugh right):
Kill Me Baby: novel, entertaining and mercifully devoid of fluff, but drags on like an Eva analyst at a pop-psychology seminar.
Mouretsu Pirates: takes a horrible, painfully clichéd space-opera plot, mixes it with an even more clichéd mysterious-past school plot complete with Akemi Homura clone, and comes out with something delicious, promising and incredibly entertaining.
Danshi Koukousei: Maybe it's just my kind of humor, but I find this hysterically funny. It manages to do otaku humor without only relying on references, off-color humor without being Mitsudomoe and pure sitcom humor without being... well, a sitcom.
Symphogear: The concept is eardrum-implodingly lamentable, something between The Idolmaster and G Gundam. The characters are well-worn, if not cliché, and the designs are kinda off. But it all comes together in a huge storm of awesome, and I'm looking forward to seeing how it works out.

onsdag den 11. januar 2012

Reporting in after an unexplained b&

So, I'm LBM. Also known as Eresh, Ereshkigaal or The Man Who Searches.
Ages ago, my other blog, Mental Fire Axe, disappeared without a trace. I suspect it was baleeted for a rather vitriolic rant about the undesirables in the Eva fandom, a truly grandiose editorial containing the word "faggot" in all its derivatives about ten times and "fuck" a grand total of twenty-five times.
Now, though, it's time for the main attraction.
Loli B-Movie's Winter 2012 Anime Review (and Reviewer Review).
See, I was on ANN, and those fagtrains ticked me off with their reviews. From reading those, I think I've gotten an insight into a few trends in the reviewer community, which are as follows.
1.) The Vitriolic Steamroller From Hell:
Tried and true. "Everything's shit, the animation is shit, the plots are shit, the characters are shit, the whole season sucks. AVI pls." It's gotten a bit old lately, though, since even the tards who used to post this kind of shit are starting to change to another style.
2.) My Precious:
"The new season is shit. Except this one show, which is perfect. Why? It is because it is, and I will tolerate no arguments and uphold that my taste is the universal denominator, even in the face of educated arguments." Way too common - reviewers seem to think that they won't be blamed for bashing a season if they hook themselves onto their delicious little precious and praise it to the skies.
3.) The Sage:
A more erudite version of 1.), which is starting to see a lot of use by reviewers who want to seem mature. "Everything is shit, but it's shit because of some obscure detail in the animation or characterization that only I can see, and if you watch it anyway, you are an atavistic, slope-browed Australopithecus philistine and unfit to carry on the human race." Used by the same pretentious twatsacks who claim to have understood Eva better than anyone. Yeah, if you did, congrats. You are now just as insane as Anno during his bad periods, and in the same fashion at that.

And now, I will review. It'll be short and sweet, and it's not because I'm a lazy faggot.
Papa no Iukoto wo Kikinasai!:
Another series that gets a lot of flak from oversensitive people. Expecting the first episode to be a loli series, I downloaded it with a smirk on my face, hoping that it had gone the same way as High School DxD and gotten permission to show nipples on national TV. Oh, how wrong I was.
Yes, it's light-hearted. Yes, there's loli. But unlike most other shows of its kind, it has a great deal of respect for established psychological theory. Not only are cousin crushes common in childhood, but in a case where it's an older brother figure who is not related by blood, they're almost unavoidable. Yuuta's sister is presented as just as flaky and dangerously irresponsible as one would have to be to pull off a ploy like the premise, and yes, in the real world, young girls tend to get shamelessly physical. Ask the guy with a 8-year-old niece who will gleefully perform a full-body pajama-clad tackle on his upper body, dangerously close to his face.
All in all, though the premise might be weak, the show avoids the catastrophic pitfalls other shows of its ilk tend to make. Seriously, I've seen plot summaries that would make Freud rotate in his grave. Respect for basic psychosexual tenets isn't something you see often.
70/100. Take it down to 50/100 if you don't happen to be a psychology student, and 10/100 if the whole setting gives you the creeps - but let me tell you, it's not as creepy as it sounds.

High School DxD: Dammit, that's a lot of boobs. Fanservice aside, DxD avoids many of the weaknesses of the harem genre, most noticeably the blank protagonist. Hyoudou is not a blank surface ready for some seriously creepy wish-fulfillment self-projection - in fact, he's thoroughly unpleasant and steers the series out of pandering to fantasies. The supernatural parts might be cliche, but at least they're well done - I actually found myself liking the episode every time the screen wasn't filled with Rias' huge fucking tits.
75/100 - treat this as a 40/100 if you hate fanservice.


Symphogear and Another up next, along with Mouretsu Kaizoku and High School Boys, if I get to it.